Ask Without Fear of Rejection
I hope you had a great Labor Day Weekend! In this blog I'm sharing with you my key takeaways from Ch. 9 of The Success Principles Workbook by Chicken Soup for the Soul Author Jack Canfield. It's my way of keeping myself accountable to pursue my goals every week.
The title of Ch. 9 is "Ask Without Fear of Rejection." This is one of the most difficult things for me to do when I'm at work - asking for a better pay, for comp days off, etc. Here are some reasons why I'm not asking, according to this workbook:
- I don't know that help is available
- I avoid others who are smarter, wealthier, or more 'successful'
- I don't really know what I want or need
Having clarity gives you confidence and confidence helps you to ask for what you want. Jack prompts me to determine the next most obvious step I can take in achieving my goal. He takes me through the areas of finances, work, relationships, health, etc. For each category I fill out and/or answer the following prompts:
My most important want or need is _________________________.
The next most obvious step to achieving what I want/need is ________________________.
Who can I ask for help?
What will I ask for?
This is the most important takeaway for me from this chapter:
When you fail to ask, you are the one who is rejecting yourself in advance of ever asking.
The chapter continues where I ask the same series of questions for the same categories I mentioned above:
What do I need to ask for?
How do I stop myself from asking?
What is it costing me not to ask?
What benefit(s) would I get if I asked?
I also found this next part really helpful- I didn't know that there was a formula to improve chances of getting a yes!
- Ask As If You Expect to Get It
- Ask Someone Who Can Give It To You
- Be Clear and Specific When You Ask
- Ask For What You Want, Not What You Don't Want
- Ask Repeatedly
As previous chapters also helped me to do, the workbook prompts me to get into a positive headspace by having me imagine the best possible outcomes.
If I could get what I wanted, my life would be...
If the person I was asking could fulfill my request, they'd...
I can expand my thinking by dreaming of getting what I ask for, plus...
If my requests were honored, my next steps after that would be...
If they went beyond my request and delivered even more than I asked for, they would...
It's a lot of behavioral changes, right?? The journal prompt at the end asks what the one thing is that I will do differently as a result of reading this chapter. I wrote "Ask with confidence of having already received it."
Hopefully the lessons from this chapter stay in my mind the next time I negotiate a salary or work out a partnership agreement!
P.S. Here is an example of asking for what I want- I modeled some clothes as an 'influencer' for Canadian designer Joseph Ribkoff. While many people are generally happy to just model in exchange for free clothing, I negotiated a modeling fee in addition to the clothing to compensate for my time. I wouldn't have received the additional payment if I didn't ask! :)